“It was almost as ugly as that scene from Wall-E where the fat people all tried to walk. But it was more endearing because it was with elephant seals.”

Abdul: The knife really edged out the fork. Too spoon?
Jake: That was sporktacular.
Abdul: Really? I thought I forked up the delivery.
Jake: Nah, it had a lot of a-peelers, to me at least.
Abdul: It could have been so bad it had people in a pan-ic.
Abdul: So, she wants to make it Facebook official, but I don't want to put a ladle on it.
Jake: Do it for the grater good, Abdul.
Abdul: Either way, I'm still gonna wok her world tonight.

I just saw an obese pigeon with one eye and a gimp leg. I have no reason to continue living now. I saw the fucking Odin of pigeons. This is a sign. “All the children born on this night shall be the bearers of Squawkranok!” That’s pigeon ragnarok. Seriously though that pigeon was fucked up.

If you say wat backwards, it sounds like taw, which is almost the sound a parrot makes, if you replaced the T with a C and made it longer, and that’s pretty cool.

Abdul: Did I tell you about the amazing voice guy at acoustic night?
Jake: No, you didn't.
Abdul: He had an amazing voice.
Abdul: I just realized how derpy my last comment was.

Abdul: There's this dog staring at me and panting with a derpy look and I don't know how uncomfortable I feel. Make him go away.
Jake: Blow him up. That'll show him.
Abdul: You're saying that because I'm brown. You never tell me to feed him curry and do a silly dance for him!

Do you know many people the Nazis killed? That is a holla costly!

I love you more than a pelican loves herring.

Jake: Abdul, you don't have any standards.
Abdul: So I drive automatic?

Hipsters love Harrison Ford because he’s Indie, but I’ve been a fan of him since his Solo work.

(Source: badassbulbasaur)